Getting Started Broken Hearted.

At 4:30 am or whatever unreasonable hour I started this blog, I was adding links to blogs of other models and photographers I love. I went to my absolute favorite and.. It has been all made private. It is on a site made just for the model and the entire site was gone. I went to her Modelmayhem site and it was gone. So, I sent her an e-mail. I was crushed. I'd been suffering from insomnia and was particularly emotional.

When a person works in a field that is not typical for them, they are surrounded by people who don't understand why they do the things they do* and vice versa. So, when I find someone who shares one of my strong opinions or ideals, they inspire me greatly and help me understand myself. Candy was the only model I knew with a feminist blog.. Now she has retired from modeling. I will always admire her.

There are some others who have made me feel more comfortable and I am thankful for them as well.

*" i gotta ask... i figure you can tell me to mind my own business.... Why have you chosen to not shave for over a year?"

"I stopped shaving at 20 when I went transient for the first time. I stopped wearing makeup at that point, too, because it would be too hard to put on every day and I wasn't washing my face very often while on the road anyway. It was very hard for me to look in the mirror without makeup on and be happy with who I actually was, without a mask of white powder and eyeliners [because I always wore goth makeup.] It was a gradual thing that took a while.. And it made me very frustrated with the societal "norms" and ideas put into young womens' heads about what is beautiful and what it not. Shaving goes with that, too. Why add so much or take away so much based on what someone tells you you should look like? ...

That's my story."

" two more questions... are you still married? and Are you transient still and what does that involve? where is home for you?"

"Yes, I am still married. Home is the bay area until the end of the month and then it is wherever I happen to be. But I'll be back here in 6-8 months. My trip to LA will be fancy in my opinion because I will bring a lot with me and I will be taking a bus to and from and staying at peoples' houses. Generally, as a transient [which I was taking a break from being until now], I travel by hitch-hiking or on freight trains and I sleep under bridges or in abandoned houses. Or just outside somewhere. And I only carry a backpack with maybe one change of clothes in it and some books."

" why?"