I am sitting in an empty attic room..

Angled walls echo any noise created over the past two years of my life lived in this room. Laughter, - Yay I just saw one of the mice who live in here! - snoring, crying, boring... Nervous breakdowns, mental breakthroughs. This is the room I lost my mind in. I will find someone else's somewhere else I'm sure.

Tonight at 11:59 I am catching a bus from West Oakland BART to LA. I'll be there in the morning. Hopefully I can sleep on the bus.

But, the first time I ever traveled for modeling, in 2006 to San Diego, I was unable to sleep all night and I then worked for ten hours straight.. I think I did pretty good. Sleep deprivation breads creativity!

I've been so stressed out and overwhelmed with this whole moving thing and now I feel very relieved. There are other things that suck about right now. One of my friends is in a horrible ICE detention center in Tacoma for watching the sunset from a rooftop and having an accent. That's probably the worst ever. The facility he's in is often protested by locals and is notorious for denying detainees basic needs, even to the point of fatalities, and for keeping people who are perfectly legal detained for extended periods of time.

Also I have been emotionally unavailable to all of my friends and lovers as well as myself for the past couple months and some people have given up on me, because my apathy has hurt them deeply. But I feel this all lifting. I feel better than I have in a long time.

I feel bad for not communicating terrific ideas or showing how excited I am to be meeting and working with any and all of the photographers I will be in the company of in LA. It's all coming to me now at once.

No comments: