me: puh-lease. i'm covered in tattoos. how would not showing my face appeal to me? i'll be in pgh 'til the end of the month if that's enough time for a shoot. if not, that's okay too.
jr: how am i supposed to know what would appeal and what wouldn't. a lot of girls have tatoos. that's why i just put out an offer. u'd be surprised how little work on video pays.
me: i'm just saying. people offer to not show your face so it's anonymous. all appeal is lost when one can be identified by tattoos. so that does not apply to me. i have done video work. and i'm over it.
jr: u've done porn?
me: yep. let me know if you want to do a photo shoot while i'm here.. if not i'll let you know the next time i'm in town.
jr: hell i've got a video job that pays 100 to lay on ur stomach for about a minute. show ass only and no actual touching.
me: remember the time i said 'i'm over it?' i would really appreciate it if you could respect me by respecting that. i'm sure you'll have no trouble filling the position.
jr: well i'm not going to work with you anymore if u did porn but always told me u didn't do video. just tell the photogs good enough to hear your full availability.
me: i believe i did video work after the last time we worked together, years ago. and now i don't do video work. i don't see the problem.
jr: how many pornos have you done? i could have actually recovered some of the modeling fees but u always only offered (and still do) the shit shoots.
me: i'm not exactly sure what you're getting at. if you don't want to pay models for modeling, then don't. you are the one who contacted me.
jr: y should i respect u? u never have respected me enough to let me book anything but a bullshit shoot. go back to [la] and do your slutty pornoss. at least i just shoot thwm instead of being in them.
me: whatever. i've got no ethic against doing porn. it is not a good position for you if you do. it's misogynyst demeaning controlling pushy disrespectful crappy video dudes like you who i'm over. women who do porn are beautiful.
jr: the problem is ura bitch who did po9rnos bbut told me u didn't did bondage but refused to with me. u made me overpay u and pay for gas for worthless shoots.
jr: and no i can't fill that position bc u models only tell me half of what ur available for.
me: it's a comfort thing. just because someone has done something or does do something with someone else, doesn't mean they are comfortable or ready to do it with you. boundaries are important and valid
jr: i wonder how much they had to pay the guy in the video to actually touch u lol.
jr: ur right. they are beautfil and ur a skank. and i not a crappy pushy video dude. those were the guhys u worked for. u wouldn't know what i am bc uve only offered me bullshit shoots.
jr: legit boundaries are. buut u being a stuck up cunt and only offering me the worst bullshit shoots ever arwn't vaid. its just u beinjg a bitch.
me: i've never contacted you for a shoot. i've never offered you anything but to be a nude model, which is what you contacted me about. my rates are low and negotiable. you are full of shit. i don't even understand why you're so angry. i don't even remember telling you that i don't do video. but that is true. i don't do video.
jr: i'm just smart enough to realize. i hhave the money to come right now. but i chose to ignore u when u started with "the same types of shots as before" bc the shots before were worthless.
jr: no. u don't do video when i ask. the first time i asked u to do bondage shots and u said no and gave me a worthless overpriced shoot. the 2nd time u said u didn't do video and gave me a bullshit overpriced shoot.
me: uh, i did fucking nude in the snow shots with you. kind of a big deal.
jr: u whined the entire time and the shots sucked.
jr: i'm angry bc i'm sick of models only offering me god awful shoots that no other photographer would want but elsewhere u do everything else.
me: it may be your attitude. but anyway, i don't do video at this point in my life for anyone.
jr: bullshit and u know it. u told me last time u didn't but then u went and did more. ur a slut. u'll do more porno. just not when i offer.
jr: you'll go back to cali, do more video (if they can find another guy to touch your skanky ass) and then come back and tell me u only do bullshit shoots.
me: if you did not have a good time shooting with me and you think the shots were worthless, why would you contact me to see when i would next be in town?
jr: bc i hoped one of these times u'd open up everything u did for me since we've worked together multiple times. but no ur still juust a bitch who thinks she's too good. leave me alone and go do ur slutty porn actress gig with photogs u respect bc u've never respected me.
me: that no other photographer would want? i mean, look at my portfolio. there is one bondage shot. the rest are nudes like the ones i do with you.
jr: yea. public beach nudes. but u refused to do public nudes with me so again i got bullshit shoots.
me: a good time to shoot is at sunrise. there was no one on the beach. a kid's playground in the afternoon is a little weirder. it's totally legit to think someone might show up and not take it so well.
jr: u do porn, bondage, and public nudes. but with me its bullshit overpaid and i have to drive forever.
me: then don't ask me if i want to shoot. jeez. if it's not worth it to yu then please don't waste your time. i did some videow ork in like 2008. i worked with you before i had decided to do video work.
jr: ok do porno still shots then since u don't do video. i can get u 250 to lay on ur stomach and take a cumshot with no touching to ur lower back.
jr: no. the time and place means nothing. its bc its me. always makes u come up with an excuse to only offer me a shoot noone else would want.
jr: and i didnt mean u specifically for 250 bc ur a skank.
jr: we worked together in 2007 and 2008. u could have done video work with me. same way u coulda done bondage and public nudes. u just always choose to offer me shoots no photog would pay for.
me: to clarify, i have done solo video. i have never been in porn video or stills with another person.
jr: ur a liar.
jr: when u can offer me a shoot i would actually want let me know. but i've let u models treat me like dirt for long enough. i just want to know why other photogs can land shoots and i only get offered bullshit ones.
me: i'm sorry you're having such a hard time with models. i have never been anything but honest and respectful to you. i have modeled for you as i have odeled for others who appreciate it. if you don't appreciate it, that is okay. we're on different pages. but there's no need to act like this.
me: if you'd like my honest answer to that, let me know.
jr: i don't appreciate it. and no offense u don't work for other photogs like u did with me. u did good shoots with them and bullshit shoots with me.
jr: well i would like an honest answer but u'd have to leave today out. see saying i have a bad attitude is not an honest answer. bc i only had a bad attitude AFTER.
jr: u only gave me bullshit shoots. so u can answer honestly. but u have to leave today out of it or otherwise it holds no merit.
jr: i've been a huge asshole today. but u can't use that as a reason bc even if i hadn't have (and i was never rude to you before) u still wasn't nor ever would have done video, bondage, or public video with me.
me: you're right. i can send you a message online, being more thorough, about issues that may be int he way of you getting good shoots. my texting fingers are tires. i'll send you a long message today or tomorrow. i'm also supposed to be hanging out with my mom.
jr: no thanks. i don't want to waste time reading an online message. besides u've just always been a bullshit liar when it came to doing good shoots with me so i would just delete it.
me: the message? oh, i thought you were saying you that you would be interested in my answer, leaving out day.
jr: uve had no problem sending all these other texts. tell me these groundbreaking isues keeping me from getting good shoots.
me: i suppose i was wrong then. i wish you luck and i hope you figure these things out. i just have a lot to say and need to eat dinner with my family right now. and i'd like to make sure i put a lot of thought into it. there are several possibilities.
jr: ok well go do whatever. but u just spent 10 minutes explaining why u didn't have time to answr my question so again ur just disrespecting me.
jr: it just gets old getting disrespected by every model. and u respect me so little ud rather spend ur time making excuses on why u can't answer instead of answering.
jr: if u can really leave today out of the equation i'd love yo hear ur reasoning on why i only get shit shoots. bc no offense but both times i dropped u off i felt like i took ur modeling fees and my gas money and just wiped my ass with it.
jr: but ur right thoug. the snowtos were the closest u came to booking me a good shoot. that's why i contacted u again. i thought on a 3rd time u might give me a good shoot. but i was wrong. i've yet to have one model offer me their full availability that they open up to other photogs.
jr: no quick thoughts u can text to even pretend ur showing me a little respect?
---------------
quick notes but i don't think i'm actually going to write him:
issue #1. coersion. trying to tempt a person who has stated they are not interested in a type of work by revealing the details about how easy it is and how much it pays. can also be described as being pushy, not taking "no" for an answer. this is the same way you kept making me smoke cigarettes at our first shoot for pictures sitting on your kitchen counter. this is the same mentality sexual assaulters tend to have.
issue #2. shitty consent. lack of understanding that just because someone has done something in their life or feels comfortable doing something with other people or even if they've done something with you in the past, that does not mean that you are entitled to work with them on that kind of project. this is also a misunderstanding that sexual assaulters tend to have.
you don't have any good ideas, jim rush. this is why all of the photos come out shitty. but even more than that:
and you are not a good photographer. why would anyone feel compelled to work with you? i mean, look at this shit: http://www.modelmayhem.com/hiddenvision
i'll tell you why i was. because i model for money. i model for beginning photographers for money so they can develop their technique and learn how to handle their camera. we both benefit and we have a good time. except in this case, i guess.
.........
in my personal life, i have been celibate for almost two years. i am a feminist. i am a survivor. i am healing from all of the abusive relationships i have been in, all the sex that made me sick because i didn't know how to say no and i wasn't asked anyway. i am irritated by the average man on the street continuing to hit on me after i've made it as clear as possible that i'm not interested - following me and being pushy and making me feel threatened. i am irritated by people i am trying to do business with treating me in that same manipulative, "upper-hand," controlling manner. these things are not okay with me and they are not okay in general.
even without all of the immature insults, this person was harmful and disrespectful. and he is not the only one.
i wish there was a support network in the modeling community. on modeling website message boards, if a model posts about having been taken advantage of, screwed over, even outright raped, there is no support. everyone, including other models, blames the model posting. i do not live in mainstream society. that is mainstream society. "blame the victim, don't walk alone at night, don't wear revealing clothes in public."
that is part of why i have to take breaks from modeling.
10 comments:
really sad that you have to take that verbal abuse. you showed what good soul and person you are by being respectable and explaining your feelings, even though jr didn't deserve it. stick to your convictions and what makes you feel comfortable, secure and safe
p.s. it is good to see you back writing. i know it helps you and your writings show your one beautiful woman with a inner beauty that matches your outter beauty
thanks, robert!
i am trying to write in here more.. i have a new post - a positive one - coming up, just want to wait until i have some photos to include.
Damn... just followed a forum thread link to check out your portfolio again, wandered over here. No words. I don't know how you held your cool through this, but kudos to you for taking a very high road.
That had to be the most immature person to even try to hold a conversation with. It was the same thing over and over and made no sense at all. Not every person is a "good fit" with another. That should be accepted and then move on. After the verbal abuse he still wants to book a session?
I agree with Richard. Kudos to you Wynd for taking the high road.
hey wynd, sounds like your doing better and feeling upbeat. will look forward to reading your new post. if it a positive one and you feel like posting it before you have pictures go ahead. or just post it when you have the urge, go by your gut feeling. there will be days when you have those down days as well as the upbeat ones so just write what your heart feels at the time and post it when it feels right. your a free spirit with a lot to say and share and i know the positive experiences will outnumber the bad ones. peace be with you wynd
richard - thanks so much. i guess some not-so-nice things slipped out, but they were my honest thoughts, not just idle insults, so i don't feel bad about that.
i didn't know you read my blog!
thom - thank you, too. this is a person i was able to tolerate and overlook my differences with for a while, shooting together a couple times over the years. [usually we're not in the same area.] but i don't think it'll happen again, haha.
robert - don't i know it! i pretty much act on any positive inspiration i have, but sometimes i'll put it off for a couple days to bring my thoughts together as cohesively as possible or to wait for auxiliary material to be available. i think it's worth it.
You are my hero Wynd, You take care.
-Iona
the guy is an jerkoff. i model as well, and i would NEVER work with someone after they talked to me like that. well, ok. i might, but they will def pay the price, literally, they would find my rates have doubled, perhaps even tripled!
i have been lucky, most the photographers i have worked with have been a pleasure to work with. there are, of course, the occasional freak who thinks that because they have an expensive camera it gives them license to sleep with all the models they photograph.
"just imagine how amazing the pictures would turn out, they'll show the INTENSITY and PASSION between us." i almost fell out of my seat laughing when a photographer tried to use that line on me. the sad thing is i bet it's worked with plenty of women. unfortunately, in this industry a lot of the women who do put up with it and they make the rest of us look bad.
i found you on modelmayhem, your photos are amazing. i am jealous of your lifestyle. i lived on the road for a few summers chasing bands around the country and i miss it soooooooo much. the freedom and promise the open road holds is indescribable. you also don't appreciate how big and beautiful this country is until you've driven (or taken a train :) across it.
Dear Wynd<3. I love your work and I am very sorry to read this. >:(
I feel like punching J.R. in the face. Breaking his nose and cutting his balls of.
U RULE. Jr. sounds to me like a little retarded 10 year old kid, who can't get the lollipop in the candy-store. From reading this, I would even question if he is a grown up, or a greasy teenager. Under all circumstances he still sounds like one. ;)
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